In case you didn't know, not just ANYBODY can go to the temple and make the vows of secrecy required of participants--you have to pass a little quiz first, administered orally and in person. It's been a LONG time since I've had one of these interviews--well over 20 years--but it seemed like an interesting exercise G & J had come up with, so I went ahead and answered the questions. Then I forgot to post the resulting entry.
This afternoon I discovered it, languishing as a draft after all these weeks. So I figure I might as well share the answers with the world, especially since the whole endeavor is in keeping with the "rewriting the articles of faith" thing I did not too long ago.
1. Do you have faith in and a testimony of God the Eternal Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost?
I have faith that God the Father is one of the most repellent mythical deities ever invented by humanity.... Does that count?
2. Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of His role as Savior and Redeemer?
As I once said at Sunstone, "I consider the atonement one of the most savage, barbaric and bestial views of divinity that humanity has ever produced."
3. Do you have a testimony of the restoration of the gospel in these the latter days?
4. Do you sustain the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator and as the only person on the earth who possesses and is authorized to exercise all priesthood keys? Do you sustain members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators? Do you sustain the other General Authorities and local authorities of the Church?
Most decidedly not.
5. Do you live the law of chastity?
None of you goddamn business, you nosy perv. Seriously: what's it to you?
6. Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?
If you are asking if I beat or molest anyone, no.
7. Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
8. Do you strive to keep the covenants you have made, to attend your sacrament and other meetings, and to keep your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?
I strive to keep plenty of covenants, but not the ones you mention.
9. Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?
I am honest in my dealings with men AND women.
10. Are you a full-tithe payer?
About that--could I get back some of the tithing I paid you guys? You've used it for some really gross purposes.
11 Do your keep the Word of Wisdom?
12 Do you have financial or other obligations to a former spouse or children? If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?
No. (Wow. This question is new. Glad the church doesn't let deadbeat parents off the hook.)
13. If you have previously received your temple endowment:
Do you keep the covenants that you made in the temple?
Do you wear the garment both night and day as instructed in the endowment and in accordance with the covenant you made in the temple?
Ick. See this post on Torture and the Temple.
14. Have there been any sins or misdeeds in your life that should have been resolved with priesthood authorities but have not been?
Of course not. This is not to say that I have not committed any misdeeds, only that a priesthood authority would be of no use in helping me resolve them.
15. Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord's house and participate in temple ordinances?
Ugh. This question makes me as queasy as if someone asked me, "Do you feel worthy to rob a bank?"
I guess I will say that I think that what these people consider "worthiness" is not worthy of me.
What a strange exercise. I don't think I'll be doing that again.