Today's word is recalcitrant, a word I have long adored, because it reminds me of so many instances in my life. It means
–adjective 1. resisting authority or control; not obedient or compliant; refractory. 2. hard to deal with, manage, or operate. –noun 3. a recalcitrant person.
I have been accused of being recalcitrant, and my insomnia is recalcitrant indeed. Which is why I am reading and answering email and posting blog entries at 4:53 a.m., having been awake for a good long while (after a day that included a long walk and a long yoga workout in the hopes that they would both relax and tire me out, so I'd actually sleep soundly tonight) and having recently downed two shots of vodka and thus become very hopeful that if I just make myself horizontal soon, my consciousness will dissolve into sleep and I'll just fucking be UNCONSCIOUS for a few more hours.
Really: Is eight hours of inert unknowing too much to ask from each day? I hate being awake in the middle of the night.
Back to bed....