My Least Favorite Kind of Mormon Man: The Dirty Old One


So far I've been pretty lucky when it comes to trolls: I haven't attracted too many. I think it helps that my blog isn't devoted to a single issue: OK, I write about feminism, and sex, and Mormonism, and teaching, but it's not like you can show up here and now that you'll find some polemic on gender or religion every single day.

Unfortunately, as of early this week, some filthy old coot has taken to showing up and leaving long, rambling, poorly edited comments here, full of questions about, speculation on and advice regarding my sex life. He is, of course, Mormon, at least in the cultural sense.

That's important, because Mormon men often hold positions of power where it is their duty to ask explicit questions about other people's sex lives, and to hear "confessions" about what the church considers sexual impropriety. I don't know if this guy was once a bishop and so got to hear all about people losing their virginity or visiting prostitutes or sleeping with the babysitter or hooking up with a truck diver etc etc or if he resents that he was never a bishop and so could only fantasize about how great it would be to hear such confessions, but he seems anxious to use my blog as an opportunity to play the role of enlightened priesthood holder passing judgment on someone else's sex life.

But that ain't gonna happen. So I'm telling you, asshole: go the fuck away.

Oh, yeah--that's something he has a problem with: my profanity. I really shouldn't swear so much! It offends him! Somehow, it hasn't occurred to him that he is precisely the kind of head-up-ass fuckface-dickwad I hope to offend, alienate and avoid.

I admit I hardly paid any attention to his first comment. It was LONG, poorly organized, condescending, boring as all hell. He invoked Mormonism and referred to me as "sister"--sister!-- early on, and at that point I knew I would never post the damn thing. I tried to skim the rest. He chided me for writing such long posts (how dare I use a personal forum as I see fit! Apparently prolificacy is the exclusive domain of self-important, emotionally and intellectually clueless middle-aged men) and trotted out that old Mormon attitude about how, since I still care about religion even though I no longer attend the Mormon church, I must be stuck in the past--of course there's no way I simply care about my spiritual development. He seemed pretty sure that since I owned a pair of mannish green shoes, I had to be gay. He really wanted me to talk about being gay.

As I say, I didn't read it too closely; it went in the trash bin and I assumed that was that. But yesterday he showed up again, seemingly unaware that I hadn't bothered to post or even read his first comment. This time, I read the comment, because this time it's starting to be harassment. He offers observations about my "strident feminism" (!), my vulgar mouth (!) and the "divine slut" within all women, as well as this utterly asinine and insulting assessment:

Women are: more than other creations of the universe, meant to feel. They are uniquely situated to feel sexual pleasure in a way a man cannot imagine, tolerate or last long enough to experience. And you are celibate? I hope that was then and not now.

He suggests that I become a lesbian since all the good men (like him, maybe?) are taken. In particular, he recommends that I begin sleeping with former female students.

Never mind that I'm not gay, would rather not sleep with former students and wouldn't trust this fuckhead to offer advice on how to open a can of cat food, turn on a light or take out the trash. No, what really matters here is that this scumbag seems to be turned on by lesbian sex.

He thinks I should do this because "People without sexual partners tend to become bitter, acerbic, outspokenly critical, judgmental and generally unpleasant." I wonder if never getting laid is his excuse for being bitter, acerbic, outspokenly critical, judgmental, generally unpleasant, as well as officious, remarkably lacking in self-reflection, disrespectful, sexist, offensive, intrusive, gross, foolish (because he used his real name, and thanks to google, I was able to find an address and professional affiliation for him) and downright creepy and vile.

I banned him from commenting and hope I've seen the last of him. If not, well, I'm not afraid to contact the society that oversees his profession and seek their help in getting him to stop harassing me.


AAAHHHH!!! That is so CREEPY! And GROSS! And lots of other icky things! And of COURSE your taste in green shoes makes you a lesbian! Duh! And while you should SWEAR less, you should have MUCH MORE sex, and lesbian sex with students, at that! Okay, there comes a time when one has simply used too many exclamation points, and I think that time was at least 4 sentences ago. I think what you REALLY need in your life is more ice cream. Because you really can never have too much ice cream.

Amazing. I know you don't want to give this guy a forum, but the gawker in me loves a good car crash. And Mormon-dirty-old-man-sanctimony is about as good a car crash as you can get.

You are absolutely right about everything, Rebecca, but especially about the ice cream. I REALLY wanted to pick up a pint of my favorite B&J flavor this evening, but my grocery store was out. I had to settle for dark chocolate.

Matt, you make me sorry I deleted the guy's comments. It hadn't occurred to me until now, but the best way to punish him would have been to post his comments, and let everyone see for themselves what a dirty old man this jerkoff was (and I admit one reason I deleted his posts is because I had a strong and nauseating suspicion that he was indeed jerking off). He made a big deal of the fact that he'd posted comments on a blog or two before--including his daughter's; I hope he is not so interested in HER sex life--but clearly he hadn't thought through some of the ramifications of writing certain things in an electronic forum....

This is disturbingly creepy, just as it would be to notice someone with binoculars across the way from your bathroom or to see someone you didn't know in a car on your street every day. I share Matt's curiosity but I am pretty sure that you did the right thing by banning this jerk and by deleting his messages.

It is my good fortune to know you and I happen to know that while you are outspoken and critical, I have never known you to be bitter, acerbic, judgemental (I would distinguish this from being critical), or in any way unpleasant. On the contrary, and I think this is what a reader would find in your writing, you are keen-witted, funny, you have impeccable taste in clothes, you are a careful observer, and you are very charming.

Your troll really needs help; I hope he can find it.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Spike.

Of course I value your assessment of me; we know each other. What is really remarkable to me in all of this was the troll's assumption that I would value his opinion, simply because he chose to offer it. The arrogance of some people is simply astonishing.

Aaah, but the arrogance of Mormon men is not so astounding, in my experience. Shaking my head. What a scary thing. I wish we could have read what he said. He's probably the guy who used my church phone a few years back to call 1-900 numbers...never did get caught. He'd do it in the off times when nobody was there, which meant he had a key to the building and some authority. I have a terrible habit of posting letters I receive from LDS people word for word on my blog...

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This page contains a single entry by Holly published on October 6, 2006 7:23 AM.

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