My Dream Date with God


As I posted something a few days ago about having dinner with God, I thought I'd share this strange little thing I wrote a few years ago about a date with God.

Last night as I lay in my bed tossing about in that semi-lucid semi-dreaming state induced by illness, medication and not enough sound sleep, a question and an answer occurred to me. Here they are:

Question: Describe your dream date with God.

Answer: OK.

My dream date with God would begin with a phone call--none of this voice speaking from the whirlwind business; I want an actual phone call made from a real phone number that appears on my caller ID box. I figure it will consist entirely of of 8's (infinity symbol turned side-ways) and 0's (the nothingness God created everything out of) and 1's (after all, God is the big One). God will say, "Hey, would you like to spend the weekend at the Grand Canyon?"

"Sure," I'll say, and write it down in my planner.

So that's what I'd do on my dream date with God: go to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. It has to be the North Rim; I haven't been there since 1976, the summer between seventh and eighth grade. We won't camp; we'll rent a cabin--separate rooms, of course. This isn't Leda and the Swan or Mary and the Holy Spirit or anything like that.

We'll look at the world in its magnificence and he'll try to explain the forces that molded it. He'll conjure a thunderstorm or two. He'll take apart a pine cone and tell me why it's constructed as it is.

God has nothing to do with ethics for me. Ethics exist outside of God. God is about power. I don't always understand power. This doesn't mean that I don't understand creation. I am perfectly willing to believe in a big bang that got everything going somehow. What I don't understand is how some things change and some things don't. What I don't understand is heresy today, gone tomorrow.


And while you have God there please have him explain fire and why it behaves the way it does.

When I was in high school, my younger (and much cooler) sister was a prankster. One evening I was home alone and she was across the street at a friend's house. Her friend had some music equipment in his garage, including a synthesizer of some kind. So, they decided to call me up.

The phone rang. I answered.


(imagine a man's voice with an echo here)"Hello, Juti (ootee ootee ottee)? This is God (God odd odd odd)."

For a second, for just a second, I believed it. Then I heard my sister lose it and the trick was over.

Juti--what a cool story! Thanks for sharing.

And if God ever does call me up and offer to take me to the Grand Canyon, I will be sure to ask about fire.

I love these imaginary encounters with deity, and I love this piece of yours particularly.

I've met Heavenly Mother this way, but not as a dream date. Another of my favorite encounters is Steven Fales' conversation with Mother in Confessions of a Mormon Boy.

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This page contains a single entry by Holly published on February 16, 2006 8:25 AM.

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